Parents, say NO!
Parents. The word NO can save your daughter, your son. The world teens are living in these days throws sex at them 24-7. They need you to set boundaries. Some young women get into relationships with guys who themselves are not mature enough for the emotional, moral, and social consequences of sex. I wonder what some parents are thinking. Human nature hasn’t changed. Why do some parents allow their daughters to dress provocatively, get hooked on text-messaging with some guy they have not approved, get into one-on-one relationships that sweep her off her feet (literally), way before she is developmentally capable of handling it? Why do some parents allow their sons to roam freely on the Internet? A sexual relationship can be challenging enough for adults. Teens do not have the self-discipline and know-how yet to deal with highly charged relationships. They need parental guidance, your courage and your wisdom. Putting your daughter on the pill or equipping your son with "protection" may prevent pregnancy but it won’t prevent the damage that premature sex can do toward your teen’s capacity for genuinely intimate relationships later in life.
Sexually active teens get captivated by the sex, which delays their normal maturation in other areas of their development. It may be easier on parents to pretend or ignore this aspect of their teen’s development. But the more difficult approach pays off mightily in the end. Sexual activity for teens is developmentally unsound besides being morally wrong. Tell your teen that sex belongs in the context of a life-long committed relationship. It is not recreation. "But we are in love!" Teens have a very naive understanding of love. Without any real clue about male sexuality, the girl feels that the guy truly loves her. "He said so." Parents know better but may be hesitant to challenge their daughter thinking her private life is her private life. Strange how public the consequences (pregnancy, STDs, delayed emotional, moral and social development) are.
Counselors of teens can attempt to heal the broken hearts that "true love" causes. For girls, the hurt tends to go deep. It is a fact that sexually active girls are the most subject to abuse (emotional, physical) by their so-called boyfriends. Parents who delight in their teen daughter’s "having a boy who loves her" may be adding to their daughter’s future peril. The move from friend to lover is huge, especially for the girl. In a recent study sexually active girls were nearly four times more likely to report feeling depressed "all or most of the time" than girls who were not sexually active. Sexually active boys were twice as likely than non-sexually active boys to report depression. "Sexually active" means the whole range of genital sex, not only intercourse. It is not uncommon for teens to think that oral sex somehow is not sexual activity. A review of the statistics on sexually transmitted diseases, and the realization how damaging premature sex can be says otherwise. Parents: your teen may need some clarity on the definition of what it means to be sexually active. Be specific. Adolescents need a moral guide other than themselves. Their appreciaiton of risk is still developing. Add to this the so-called "raging hormones" and parents have the duty of setting limits.
On the positive side, encourage growth in friendship. The guideline to "save sex for marriage" is a sound one and it’s clear albeit an invitaiton to healthy development. It is healthier and wiser for teens to wait "until marriage’. to grow up without sex highjacking their development. It may have been easier in grandma’s day to raise teens but these days are not yesteryear. For the good of our kids we have to answer the call to guide them through the sex-saturated society which challenges us all.