Parents. The word NO can save your daughter, your son. The world teens are living in these days throws sex at them 24-7. They need you to set boundaries. Some young women get into relationships with guys who themselves are not mature enough for the emotional, moral, and social consequences of sex. I wonder what some parents are thinking. Human nature hasn’t changed. Why do some parents allow their daughters to dress provocatively, get hooked on text-messaging with some guy they have not approved, get into one-on-one relationships that sweep her off her feet (literally), way before she is developmentally capable of handling it? Why do some parents allow their sons to roam freely on the Internet? A sexual relationship can be challenging enough for adults. Teens do not have the self-discipline and know-how yet to deal with highly charged relationships. They need parental guidance, your courage and your wisdom. Putting your daughter on the pill or equipping your son with "protection" may prevent pregnancy but it won’t prevent the damage that premature sex can do toward your teen’s capacity for genuinely intimate relationships later in life.
Sexually active teens get captivated by the sex, which delays their normal maturation in other areas of their development. It may be easier on parents to pretend or ignore this aspect of their teen’s development. But the more difficult approach pays off mightily in the end. Sexual activity for teens is developmentally unsound besides being morally wrong. Tell your teen that sex belongs in the context of a life-long committed relationship. It is not recreation. "But we are in love!" Teens have a very naive understanding of love. Without any real clue about male sexuality, the girl feels that the guy truly loves her. "He said so." Parents know better but may be hesitant to challenge their daughter thinking her private life is her private life. Strange how public the consequences (pregnancy, STDs, delayed emotional, moral and social development) are.
Counselors of teens can attempt to heal the broken hearts that "true love" causes. For girls, the hurt tends to go deep. It is a fact that sexually active girls are the most subject to abuse (emotional, physical) by their so-called boyfriends. Parents who delight in their teen daughter’s "having a boy who loves her" may be adding to their daughter’s future peril. The move from friend to lover is huge, especially for the girl. In a recent study sexually active girls were nearly four times more likely to report feeling depressed "all or most of the time" than girls who were not sexually active. Sexually active boys were twice as likely than non-sexually active boys to report depression. "Sexually active" means the whole range of genital sex, not only intercourse. It is not uncommon for teens to think that oral sex somehow is not sexual activity. A review of the statistics on sexually transmitted diseases, and the realization how damaging premature sex can be says otherwise. Parents: your teen may need some clarity on the definition of what it means to be sexually active. Be specific. Adolescents need a moral guide other than themselves. Their appreciaiton of risk is still developing. Add to this the so-called "raging hormones" and parents have the duty of setting limits.
On the positive side, encourage growth in friendship. The guideline to "save sex for marriage" is a sound one and it’s clear albeit an invitaiton to healthy development. It is healthier and wiser for teens to wait "until marriage’. to grow up without sex highjacking their development. It may have been easier in grandma’s day to raise teens but these days are not yesteryear. For the good of our kids we have to answer the call to guide them through the sex-saturated society which challenges us all.
It was summer, right after graduation. A group of Cretin classmates and I staged a protest against a porno flick on Rice street. Two weeks later the theatre closed only for us to learn that it was planning to close anyway. It was my first protest. Later came Viet Nam, Selma, and others. After that I moved my "prophetic witness" off the streets, into passionate discussions. The call to be prophetic, that is, to speak one’s truth to power is a genuine Christian call. Protests were happening big time in the 1960’s and ’70’s, some authentic, others not. I believe that my experiences with it taught me some things: my truth may not be the whole truth, it may not even be the real truth but it was the truth I knew then and I had to wrestle with it. I also learned that prophets tend to die young (e.g. King, Romero). That scared me and raised the question: in not choosing the prophetic role, am I failing in courage? Good question. I learned that prophets are usually out on a limb and the branch may break. And I learned that when prophets look behind, their followers may be few. If the cause is right, it should not matter.
My role as chaplain at CDH is pastoral. I am not in the administration nor on the faculty. I am available as priest, confessor, and presider. What I observed on Friday, March 28, was a community in some tension. People can learn a lot in moments of tension. 1) A long standing rule for places of worship is to leave all "weapons" at the door. "On Holy Ground" is not the place, nor is the Sacred celebration of Eucharist the right time for protest. 2) A hospitable community does not invite someone to its home and then offer a confrontation. 3) It is heartwarming to see the younger generation feel deeply about a cause and be willing to stand up for their convictions. We can do this as individuals and have some influence on systems and we can be part of an institution or movement. Catholic social justice teaching has been and continues to be a powerful force for justice in the world. Personally, I thank God for the prophets in our midst, for people choosing to give witness to deeply held beliefs.
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. Hearing CDH students singing the national anthem at sports events fills me with pride. Nice going, Raiders! Seeing some of our athletes singing along is a great witness to the world. Wouldn’t it be a neat goal for CDH to have every student memorize the national anthem?
SPIRIT OF HOSPITALITY. Often I hear visitors remark how welcome they feel in the halls and around school. A wonderful testimony to faculty and staff and to the traditions which sponsor CDH. Seeing and feeling the gospel of Jesus being lived makes an alum proud. Thank you, students, for embracing and carrying the spirit of hospitality, welcomng everyone as Christ would.
UNPLUG the earphones is my prayer today. Listen to the silence and find yourself. Unplug the artificial and find God. Listen to the beetles, birds, and children laughing in the open air. Watch the bees busy in the courtyard. Refuse to get sucked in by sellers of noise. Integrity of heart demands silence for one’s soul, it requires escape from the bombardment of artificial noise. Be wise. Not everyone technologically tuned in to your brain is worthy of your heart. Unplug the artificial noise. Not everyone who knocks, who seeks your attention, should be let in. (JEF)
Our Catholic tradition is a treasure to live as a way of life and a treasure to cherish as a mature faith. I am constantly inspired by Catholics who live their Faith, who embrace its values, customs, and culture. Our Church has not only survived twenty centuries but continues to thrive as a life-giving community of believers. Just about every mistake and wrong that humans can commit, we have done. Given a life span of two thousand years this should not come as a surprize. Not only have Catholics been guilty of individual failures and sins, but the Church as an institution has been guilty, also. If one is looking for perfect people or the perfect church? Sorry, not this side of Heaven! Isn’t an institution as strong as its members, and its core values and beliefs, and its maturity — the result of its learnings along the way and the quality of its commitment to the good, the true and the beautiful? Then add to all this, it is a community of faith in relationship with the Divine.
It is truly a grace what God has done and continues to do through the Catholic faithful in spite of our human weaknesses. Over centuries of growth and struggle, the Catholic Church has developed an exceptionally mature understanding of justice, individual and social. It has produced saints, both recognized and not, who have given to humanity models of compassion and heroic virtue. The Catholic tradition is exemplary in its reverence for the mind, for nature, for human life and all living things. The Catholic Chruch has played a vital role in the development of Western civilization, including the strengthening of democratic ideals and a just society. Is there more work yet to be done? Surely. Are there challenges still to be met? Surely. Will the Church ever be perfect? Not this side of Heaven. But it is a treasure worth cherishing, a community of faith worth belonging to, and a blessing not to be taken lightly or to be easily dismissed. Embrace, cherish and live.
Comfession is good for the soul. Catholics are a sacramental people. A sacrament is a visible sign through which God’s grace enters one’s heart. In Confession, it is Jesus who forgives through the ministry of the Church, made visible in sight and sound: a priest of the Church, an admission of sins and need to reconciled -with oneself and others and with God. It is beautiful whenever we examine our lives in light of moral norms and the Christian Gospel. There is beauty, too, in the words and sign of absolution which are assurances of God’s love and mercy. Advent and Lent are special times when whole communities of faith take seriously the call to live moral lives in the way of Jesus Christ. It’s a general house cleaning, and a deep cleaning at that. Good stuff, resulting in blessings for all.