TEENS ARE NOT THERE YET
Teens not there yet! Teens are at the front end of the adolescent phase of human development, a phase beginning at puberty (age 11 or so) and ending in the mid or late twenties. Would you agree or not: all teens are “at risk” today, a term usually used to designate teens struggling with chemical dependency, alcohol abuse, gang involvement, and similar difficult life conditions? I believe that all adolescents are at risk for the following reasons.
1) Modern medicine, now able to take pictures of the developing brain, has demonstrated that, contrary to earlier beliefs that the human brain was fully developed around age 17 or so, our brains continue to grow into the mid twenties. And it’s the pre-frontal cortex that is doing the growing. So, what does this part of the brain do? Executive function! That is, it’s that part of the brain that makes decisions and judgments, that differentiates among conflicting thoughts, that determines good and bad, better and best. It presents future consequences of present actions, helps us work toward defined goals, predicts outcomes from current behaviors, and applies social control (suppressing urges that, if not suppressed, could lead to socially-unacceptable outcomes). In adolescents, the pre-frontal cortex is NOT THERE YET. Which is why the young folks need parents, mentors, and friends to help them make good decisions: about speed limits and not texting while driving, about binge drinking (the scourge among college “kids”), about porn and premature sexual behaviors, about sexually transmitted diseases and the limits of safer sex, about drug use and hanging around with the wrong crowd, or jumping off cliffs without checking the depth of the river below. A challenge for all parents and parental surrogates is to save us from ourselves as we go through adolescence.
a. Some corollaries:
i. “But we love each other” ends with her being used and both more confused about what love truly is.
ii. “At risk behaviors” (sex, drugs, erratic thinking and doing) have a way of derailing us on our way to maturity. Actually, some of us never really “grow up”.
iii. Sexually active teenage girls are four times more likely to experience depression than girls who are not sexually active. For boys, the ratio is two times more likely.
iv. Having life goals, that is, a career and life purpose to aim at, helps significantly in our making good decisions during adolescence. Vast numbers of college students still do not know what they want to do with their lives. We live in an era of extended adolescence.
v. How can something that feels so good possibly be bad is a question most teens are not ready yet to be wise about. The power of passion, the “love is blind” reality. Added to this moral dilemma is that a case can be made that love is not only blind, it’s deaf too! They don’t hear a word their parents are saying!
vi. The damage to one’s brain cells caused by chemical abuse is not the first thing on an adolescent’s mind when he/she is floating in mid-air. Drinking and driving, binge drinking, acts of vandalism, date-rape, etc.
vii. “If I get in trouble, medications will fix me.” The youthful feeling of invulnerability. Knowledge about long term side-effects are only part, and a small one oftentimes, in the prevention of destructive behaviors. The distance between the head and the heart (knowing what’s right and doing it) can be especially difficult for adolescents to bridge. It’s that prefrontal cortex again!
2) Preponderance of peer pressure during adolescence makes all teens and young adults “at risk”. Our identities (sexual and core identities) typically do not settle for life until the middle and late twenties. That is when, hopefully for all, we have reached a personal authenticity, with our morals and values pretty well established for life, and a strong sense of self, making us capable of making good choices in a mature manner. The leap from friend to lover is huge and the pressure to make this leap sets teens up for unwise choices. “Everybody is doing it” may be the mantra but a false one. Current data indicates that today’s teens are less likely to be sexually active than a decade ago. Even if true, majority rule is not a solid basis for morality.
3) A third factor making all adolescents “at risk” is the stimulation in western culture. So much of the media that dominates adolescents’ lives is driven by greed, created and promoted by premature adults, fueled by readily available access to porn and other negative shallow or false values. Add to this the current wave of anti-religious sentiment which serves to sever adolescent’s ties to highly principled communities and morally strong role models.
4) Most adolescents are on the way, but not there yet, in their capacity to understand the relationship between love and sex, the responsibilities which come with adult behaviors, the interplay of gender similarities and gender differences (e.g. males will play at love to have sex, females will play at sex to have love).
Some adolescents seem to understand their “at risk” phase of growth and appreciate and work with the adults in their lives. These young folks will survive the risks with a few minor scars. Others, more resistant to external controls, benefit greatly from the adults who hang in there with them, see them through their hurting and healing, continue to provide encouragement and guidance, offer honest feedback, and persist in loving them while not approving of certain behaviors. Adults know from their own experience that new beginnings are always possible, that some past mistakes may leave permanent scars but scars can be blessings once the festering has finished. There is no substitute for genuine moral strength. A moral fabric that is founded upon faith in our Creator God and, –for Christians, faith in Jesus, will serve us well till the shadows fall and our journeys end.
During adolescence, the over-arching task in human development is the I-Thou relationship, growing in the capacity to develop healthy relationships. Friendship is the field of play most critical to this development.
I agree teens pre frontal cortexs are not fully developed but I also think that if we are allowed to drive cars, babysit, apply to colleges, we should be able to make our own choices about sex. Yes, there are some kids that make bad decision but we are are being raised in a catholic environment helps us to make an informed decision.
Information is not enough. Teen sex can hi-jack your personal development in ways teens are too young to understand. You may have the physical equipment for sex but hardly the moral, emotional, and spiritual maturity to deal with its power and purpose. A Catholic environment should be teaching you that premarital sex is a sin, morally wrong and a violation of God’s command. Keep working toward a fuller understanding of the great gift of sexuality and be wise, listen to the wosdom of the Christian moral tradition. Best wishes and God bless…
This was an interesting article, yet I feel like the main points seem slightly alarmist. I am not saying that some of these things are untrue, but I would not say they are always true either. If you use moderation when doing things, you will be okay. These article gave me the impression that if you ever do drugs you will ruin your future, or if you ever have sex you will become depressed; I feel like this is a huge over-statement. Again, I believe if a person can use moderation, good judgement, and being safe that person should be alright.
Moderation is always good advice when developing virtues. Problem with sexuality is its complexity. Some behaviors do not admit of moderation. Once taken, cannot be taken back, and have life long consequences. Thanks for your comment.
Thanks for your comment. Keep working at understanding the great gift of sexuality. Remember that having sex can destroy intimacy, can destroy love. LIke other of God’s gifts to humanity, our sexuality requires a maturity that adolescents simply do not have. For many if not most, maturity will come. In the meantime, you are wise to develop your capacity for friendship without the complications that sexal activity brings with it. Sex belongs in the committed relationship of marriage–that’s the moral guideline for Christians (and other faiths have it as well.) Best wishes that you make good, moral choices.
I really liked how at the beginning, you talked about how ALL teens are a risk, which they are, but at the end you did touch on the idea that some people understand the risks and will do well in these years. I liked that you said that those people will “survive the risks with a few minor scars”. It seems like a really good way to describe it, because not all teens are running around engaging in risky behaviors.
I found this entry to be very interesting. I enjoyed the use of scientific evidence to explain that teens are not ready for sex due to a prefrontal cortex that is not fully developed. Another interesting point was the reference to our culture’s misrepresentation of proper sexual relationships. This factor is extremely prevalent in the public views on sex, In a time where technology and the media dominate the lifestyles of so many people. In my opinion this is the largest factor in adolescents’ opinions on sexuality.
I agree that some people have bever really grown up because of some decisions they have made in the past. However, I don’t really think that we need to be saved from ourselves becasue we aren’t five years old anymore. Sure, some of the decisions we make aren’t the greatest but I can’t think of a time when I felt like I needed to be saved.
I greatly agree with the statement “we live in an era of extended adolescents”. However, I say that this can be pushed not only in terms of sexuality, but for everything we do. There are some of us that never grow up, ever. But in our society, that is looked at as okay, which only serves to encourage such bad habits. Now some may argue that after 25, when the prefrontal cortex is fully developed, people make good decisions and come out of the shroud of adolescents. I counter saying that many adults, those over 25 years of age, make poor, and even childish desicions because our society allows for this. In conclusion, i agree with Fr. John Forliti’s statement about living in an era of extended adolescents, but would push it even further to accomodate all actions and people even after the prefrontal cortex is developed.
You are right. Some folks never grow up. For some, it’s possible that their premature sexual activity holds them back from developing the capacity for genuine loving relationships. Thanks for your comment.
I do agree that ALL teens are at risk. Sometimes we don’t make the best decisions, but that’s all apart of growing up and being responsible. Often the best way to learn is to learn from the mistakes you have made. I don’t believe that if you have sex that your love life will be miserable from there on. No. If you think you’re in love, then you have sex and then get played. I think you will learn from your mistake and see that what you had wasn’t true love. Learn from your mistakes, always.
Some mistakes are best not made in the first place. Playing around with God’s gift of sex, treating it casually, is one of the mistakes that teens make. Not willing to listen to the wisdom of the ages, adolescents fool themselves into believing they are ready for sex. No way, emotionally, socially, morally, and relationally. “Learnings” from mistakes that result in infertility, unwanted pregnancy, abortion, sexually transmitted disease, difficulty forming genuinely intimate relationships, etc. are not the kind of leanrings you want for yourslef. Instead, discover the self discipline that separates men from boys (of any age), the capacity for deep and genuine friendships, how to be faithful to your wife and children, how to live a moral life worthy of the gift God gave you. Best wishes. It is in the waiting that we mature.
When you said “Males will play at love to have sex; females will play at sex to have love.” It really made sense to me, I feel like that’s really straight forward and shows how teens think now a days. A lot of people play at one thing or another to get what they want currently in life, and for teenage boys it sex; girls its love. So the idea of our brains not being developed and teenagers trying at many different things to get what they want made a lot of sense. Not to say that I’m against having sex as a teen, its part of life, but logically it makes sense.
Thanks for your comment. I think you need to think a lot more deeply about teens having sex. Just because someone does it doesn’t mean they should. Teens are not ready to handle the emotional and social consequences of sexual intimacy, much less the responsibility i requires. It is in the waiting that you will grow in your capacity to be a genuine friend now and a morally mature adult later. What does God expect of you is not an idle question to ponder. Give it mroe thought. Best wishes as you grow into your future.
I agree that teens are not ready for sex. And I am sure that the people that do have sex regret it. I think that there are too many things that could go wrong and I think having sex is a big mistake as a teen
Good thinking. Work on friendship and guide your growth with a bit of old timer’s wisdom and you will be a happy dude! Ciao! Paizon!
dude josie i’m totally with ya. i’m all about learning from past mistakes so i think teens need to live and learn. education is still important and it’s important to know the risks and effects but kids are gonna do what they want. it’s important for our brains to develop and all but we’re already given so much responsibility on a daily basis these days that these decisions sort of get lost in all the other decisions we have to make.
Live and learn, right! But some lessons leave scars that later you wish you didn’t have to live with! Some learnings are better coming from other peple’s mistakes. Kids will do what they want, you say. I give kids more credit than that. It;s no different from adults… doing what we want and doing what God wants should match. Or doesn’t God’s will enter into the equation?
I agree that the decisions we make as adolescences truly affects our lives when we are older. I am not saying that sex before marriage/as a teen is the morally correct thing to do, but I don’t think that it will completely be the factor of if our future is ruined or if we will be depressed. I agree that our brains are not fully developed, but I do think that we can’t have our parents and guardians help us make every choice in our life. I think that we need to be able to make our own decisions as we grow older and become more independent. And with the Catholic teachings we are offered through our school and church, we are more likely to make a better decision.
I appreciate you taking time to write this blog and I completely agree. If we begin to live in such lustful lives what will our kids do? It’s a vicious circle. I also liked it when you said, “So much of the media that dominates adolescents’ lives is driven by greed…” I 100% think so too. I’m glad your sending a more selfless message. Thanks again!
Thanks, Ace, for your comment. You sound like a patient young man! A very good virtue to have … take your time and ponder while you plow through life! Examine the insides as well as the outsides of life’s experiences, and learning from other people’s mistakes is smart. Beats the alternative. Putting your finger on the greed factor indicates you do think beyond what’s visible. It will do you well as you move into adulthood. Best wishes.
I agree with this article, teens are to young to be interacting with sexual relations. The consequences seem bad and nobody wants to be a parent as a teen, but i think that most people say ‘oh that won’t happen to me’ or they think protection will always work. Thats not always the case, teen pregnancy can happen to anyone even if your using protection. I also think that the media does play a bad role in sending messages about sex to teens, but there are some cases where a good message is trying to be sent.
In this article, I completely agree with you when you wrote about the peer pressures that teenagers are exposed to. As teenagers we are at a time in our lives were we are recieving messages telling us what is acceptable from everywhere and our peers are one of those many sources. When teenagers often do something, it is not uncommon for that action to be in order to recieve a certain message from friends or to build a certain reputation. And having sex is one of those things. I also believe that we have the ability to step back from a situation and make a decision that is in your best interests later in life, we just have to be willing to slow down and think things through.
Most teenagers, despite the clear evidence that our brains are not yet fully developed, feel that they are independent and in charge of their lives. To some extent, this is true. We experience more freedoms and are faced with more choices than ever before. I think that many teens don’t realize how underdeveloped their brains are when it comes to decision making. We are told this all the time, but it doesn’t always sink in that the solution is to listen more carefully to people who have already gone through adolescence. And I’m not saying that we need to be handed a blueprint of how our life should be run. I simply believe that the consequences of some mistakes are far too serious to justify the trial and error method. Most teens are well aware of the possible consequences of sex. Pregnancy is not something any teen should risk unless they are completely willing to care for that child. Teens just need to be careful, because “a dumb mistake” made by careless teens does not justify the killing of an innocent baby. Besides, I think teens should be more concerned at this point with getting to know their dating partners for their inner self, not their physical attractiveness alone. I think that overdosing on sex prevents a person from having a strong relationship in which there is a mutual respect for one another and personality is valued.
I agree that the choices we make as teens can affect our lives forever. I really agree that by setting goals or having something to work towards in life will help you down the road. I think being able to set some goals for yourself would help you make better decisions and not fall into some bad temptations.
I completely agree with you on what you say and so much it I can relate to in my own life. I do disagree on one thing though. When you ‘“But we love each other” ends with her being used and both more confused about what love truly is.” it seems like you are saying guys are in it for only sex and the girls are always the victims. I recently listened to the lyrics of a popular song called “Blah blah blah” by Kesha. She was saying in the song that she didn’t wanna talk to the guy, she just wanted sex. I bring this up not because I disagree with you on the hurtfulness that young sex can cause, just I think that it is unfair to say that the girls are the ones used. But overall I completely agree with what you say and I’m glad that we have a place of hearing the cons of young sex.
I agree. Generalizations about guys and gals are generally true, but what you note is also true: girls can also be the ones using the guys… Thanks for your comment
I agree with your statements. Teens are not there yet. If there is modern research that shows the brain is not fully developed and is not ready for sexual activity, then teens need to respect that research. I think that teens need to rely on their parents less and learn to make the right choices by themselves because that is part of growing up and parents aren’t always going to be there. I also think that it is important for parents to set good examples for their kids to follow.
I agree that the choices teens make can affect our lives forever. If we have a goal that we can work up to it will help us stay out of trouble and guide us in the future. Peer pressure is something that everyone is affected by. We can avoid getting in to trouble if we stay true to ourselves and ask for God’s guidance.
I agree that most likely most teens are not emotionally ready for this kind of intimacy. However, if we are given the choices every day that we are, should we as free willed have the ability to make our own choices on sex? Maybe on a general scheme of things teens aren’t ready, but there is certainly possible room for exception isn’t there? I don’t disagree with teaching us as a whole that sex is probably not in our best interests, but I feel as though God would want individuals to live their lives their way so long as they know how and why it was given to them. We must grow and learn, and I think much learning takes place through experience. I don’t want to have all my choices already made out for me by the Catholic church, because I feel that that is not what God intended for us when he gave us free will and the ability to love. No doubt though, most teens are not ready, I just don’t think every person is the same and can live by the same strict principles and truly experience this wonderful life God has made for us. It would be nearly robotic, not human. Thank you Father Forliti, I enjoyed having you in class.
Hey lucas! Keep plugging away at the meaning of life! An amazing God who not only gives us as individuals the responsibility of free choice, but gives us also some revelation along the way. In our Catholic understanding, God speaks to us through Scripture and Tradition (i.e. the Spirit’s Presence in the community of faith.) So, as you listen to your heart, it’s a good idea to let your heart listen to God’s. A great combination! Best wishes asnd God bless. Thanks for your comment.
Intimate (non-sexual) relationships are vital to the development of teenagers as human beings. Learning to have relationships where sex does not dominate the relationship is extremely important. When relationships just boil down to sex, what does those two people truly have to talk about. Being able to communicate with the person you care about is vitally important.
I thought this was interesting to read and I agree with your thoughts. I think your second point is exactly right when you talk about how peer pressure is a big factor in why some teens are sexually active. People always use how far they’ve gone as a measuring stick for how mature or manly they are, which I think is too bad. I think it is also unfortunate how the media portrays sex. Almost all the shows on TV imply that it is normal and fine to have casual sex, so I can see how some people think that is ok, even though I don’t agree with them. I think it’s better off just not to put yourself in this position, because it’s wrong, plus the consequences could ruin your life.
Good thinking. Best wishes….
I totally agree that now is not the time to be having sex. I liked the part you said about getting to know people as friends instead of jumping right into an intimate relationship. I do think that we as people still need time to grow and develop the other areas of our life before we consider intimacy. Once we have done this and are in a true loving relationship, then I think we can consider having sex.
Thanks for your comment. I like to think of intimacy more broadly. I see it as that feeling of closeness that people have with each other. Wcan feel close mentally, morally, spiritually, and other ways as well. Growing in friendship means growing close to otehrs with mutual trust, mutual caring, doing things together, et.c Best wishes as you move through adolescence into adulthood. Make good choices and your life will be fulfillng.
Reading this blog, it is crazy to imagine that our brains will not be fully developed until out mid-twenties. With that being said, decisions we are making today can determine our future, and if we are not smart decision makers life may not turn out how we’d like. It was interesting to me to learn from this blog that girls who are sexually active are four times more likely and boys are two times more likely to deal with depression as adults. This was a topic that is great to gain awareness of and to alert teens the importance of smart decision making.
Teens are not ready to take on the roll of a parent or to deal with a disease such as HIV. Those are just to things that could totally change your life. Having a child at our age is a huge responsibility that not many, if any of us are ready for. Protection does not always help to prevent these kinds of things from happening. I think that teens need to make the decision themselves to save sex for marriage. The church teaching we are offered at school should help us to make a better decision.
I found this article very interesting and I agree the fact that Teen’s pre frontal cortex are not fully developed yet is huge reason to wait and we also need to focus on other relationships like friendship first.
I agree that teens are not there yet, however I think that making decisions and learning the consequences is part of growing up. If we are constantly being told what not to do and we follow all those guidelines, we will never make mistakes and mistakes are what helps us learn. Going back to the idea that I agree teens are not there yet, but I also think that each person needs to learn that for themselves through experiences because seeing it in writing and hearing it from our parents will not always help. We need to learn to make decisions for ourselves because soon we will be living on our own.
Thanks for your comment. I agree, you will soon be on your own. You realize, of course, that some mistakes can leave life-long scars, and may even be fatal! I am not trying to be dramatic here, just a bit more realistic than lots of teens are. It is not a bad idea to learn from other’s mistakes. I hope you are wise enough to give the wisdom of the ages an ear. God Bless
It’s always interesting to hear you talk to our class about certain issues, and on this I completely agree with you. I thought it was really interesting to see the statistics about all of the different ways that teens are harmed by being sexually active. I also think you are exactly right when you said that peer pressure plays a large role in teens decisions about sex. Just because other people are making poor decisions doesn’t mean we should, so thats also something to think about.
I also agree with what you are saying. I dont think teens are quite there. When he came into our class and said how the brain doesn’t develop until mid to late 20″s this changed my mind about it. The choices we make as adolescence are not always the right ones, and it just take one bad one.